What He Really Wants To Say
Every February with perfect timing Valentine’s Day unexpectantly shows up. Everyone has just settled in to relaxing after the holidays, enjoying the break from routine family visits and copious amounts of food to find these cheerful little hearts popping up everywhere. While the underlying theme of this day undyingly promotes expressions and thoughts of love, I find my mind continuously being drawn back towards my poor husband. And I do cherish him, love his quirky ways, and appreciate him for being the man of my life even when I’m not the woman of his…
Back in the dating scene, I allowed my sense of expectation to ride the Valentine’s wave, only to disappoint myself in one way or another… I would work tirelessly at creating the most unique and thoughtful gift for my boyfriend onto to receive a quick smile and an awkward “you shouldn’t have” to creep out of his mouth. While he would do what every commercial told him to – buy a bouquet of flowers, some candy in a heart box and a teddy bear with “I love you” scrawled across the tummy. In turn, I as he, would give him a sweet kiss, quick smile and bash my eyelashes while accepting his token of love. And then, in 25 minutes, the moment would evaporate as quickly as the products came off the shelves the next day. We would eat the chocolates/candy together and make out until our sugar high wore off…
Now in our marriage, this holiday takes on a whole new meaning. To be blatantly honest – I never consider nor expect any gifts or special treatment from my husband on this specific 14th day of the year. Nor do I feel compelled or even ispired for that matter to go out of my way to do something for him. This sounds almost depressing but we couldn’t be happier with this unspoken arrangement. We’ve been married for four years now, and still to this day have never truly celebrated this “love fest” of a holiday. Neither of us really want to pretend and so we don’t.
We both truly appreciate that this burden of gift-giving isn’t in our to-do books. And I’m sure my husband is more than ecstatic that he doesn’t have to do anything that just doesn’t come naturally to him. In fact, I don’t know very many men for that matter that get excited for Valentine’s Day in the first place, some even dreading the possiblity of somehow offending his partner, merely by picking the wrong type of gift.
At the very beginning of our relationship, we talked about how we would spend our holidays, taking into consideration our families and friends. We quickly realized we didn’t need a little sticker on our calendar to celebrate and recognize how much we love one another. Instead of waiting for the one window of opportunity in February to express our undying love, we take every day as a success to be celebrated, every excuse to congratulate each other, and every reason to reward ourselves for continually contributing to one of the most rewarding challenges of our lives. This goes to say that we aren’t much of the “holiday” celebrations type. But we definitely enjoy the excuse to attend a work party, close friends’ dinner, or even church benefit. Any reason to get out and have an evening of great wine and socializing will get us out of our quaint little residence… But together we just smile, partaking in the merriment and season of festivities that these corporate sponsored holidays bring out in our closest friends and family.
For something different – I challenge those of us who are in a committed relationship to step back on this Valentine’s Day. Truly evaluate your efforts versus the impact they will have on your relationship. I hope that you grab any opportunity to spoil your sweetheart whenever its tickles your fancy – rather than wait for this once a year holiday. I think we would all agree a surprise gesture of love is in fact much more appreciated than an implied responsibility attached to a holiday. And I know the men would agree and appreciate one less imposed obligation to express their feelings too.
So go celebrate in your own style – hopefully ending up together in each other’s arms for a passionate night of true love exchange. As for me, I’m going to Calgary for a weekend on the town with a couple of my girlfriends. My husband will be faithfully expressing his love for his XBOX with some continued one-on-one time. And when I get back, I’ll probably pick up some cheap “day after” candy for a night of sugar-high bliss with my one-and-only…
Cheers & Happy Valentine’s Day!