Archive | August, 2010

Our Shared World of Marriage

27 Aug

Consider this…

27 Aug

Must all pivotal marriage lessons be difficult?

Our Shared World of Marriage

25 Aug

Probably one of the weirdest moments I’ve experienced since moving to Alberta would include my first visit to our new family doctor.

Ready to give a full health background and discuss my physical well-being, I was quite shocked to be asked a very personal question. After the quick introduction and family talk, the first thing my new doctor asked me was – “Between 1 to 10, how would you rate your marriage today?”

My first response (with a little skepticism) was – “Um… What’s it matter to you?” But – according to the new Doc, our marriage has A LOT to do with my health. Interesting…  Normally, I would have told anyone to mind their own business, but as Doc explained his reasoning, I was intrigued that he was even remotely interested in outside influences, ie. marriage, that could have any impact, good or bad, on my overall health. 

Now that I think of it, having a Doc who isn’t interested in my emotional, physical AND mental health is kind of like having a financial planner who isn’t interested in my bad debt, personal values, AND goals in life…

So now it goes to say with every visit, instead of the usual “How are you feeling today?”, I’m faced with rating my marriage before a health professional. Although the answer sometimes can be quite revealing on an intimate level, it’s blatancy forces me to account for a lot in one single digit number…

Thankfully, my reluctant answer rocked Doc off his feet when I gave him a curt “8/9 out of 10”. He was actually surprised that I gave anything over 5! Now it was MY turn to be shocked – how could most of his married patients report a mere 5 out of 10?? The answer to that question is apparently “classified”, but it surprised me to hear that they were merely existing in their marriages.

I must admit that although I’m not at the doctor’s to discuss my marital relationship, it has forced me to reflect on the impact my marriage could be having on my health. Marriage isn’t just the wedding or the anniversary – it’s the everyday. And to that effect I’m sure that my rating has changed quite variably between my quarterly visits with Doc.

This simple rating of course doesn’t place my marriage at the root of my health problems – but now I am the more wise to recognize any pattern between marital discord and surfacing health issues.

I’m interested to know where you would rate your marriage TODAY… I understand this is a personal question and albeit a tough one to quantify – but just think of it as a little poll. Feel free to come back tomorrow and change your mind – after all, marriage isn’t a joy-ride everyday. I’m just hoping that over time, I can gauge the feelings of other married couples and the states of their marriage.

How many of us are living blissful marriages? How many of us are in a marriage prison? And do you notice/feel it’s impact on your current physical/mental/emotional health?

I’ll be honest and say that we’ve hit every number from 1 to 10 over our five years of marriage. And I would also say that those numbers would fairly accurately correspond with my well-being over the course of events and milestones that we’ve shared. 

So give it a chance and be honest How happy are you in your marriage today?

New Place New Chapter New Problems?

19 Aug

Courtesy of

So we’ve moved!  

And although we are currently living in a sea of boxes we are both so much happier! The last place held so many conflicts and personal issues that it was really a load off our shoulders to break in a new chapter in an entirely new place :)  

I don’t know what it is about moving – the purging of old unused items, the fresh opportunity to recharge sleeping goals, or the reorganizing of daily life and routines that is so exciting and contagious… Now that the packing is over, I get to take my time  replacing our daily items while reviewing how we manage our sometimes chaotic schedules. I’m tired but excited to start once again on a clean slate – a new chapter.  

This week has actually been quite interesting too. Our new place had some water damage in the basement just before we moved in so we actually have ALL of our belongings upstairs until the repairs are completed. While living within boxes and eating supper on our living room coffee table doesn’t really grate my nerves, apparently it HAS grated Billy Graham’s…  

Billy G has decided to start marking his new territory – including our bed! Of all the cats I owned in my life (too many to count) I’ve never had this problem before… Armed with determination, I’ve done all the research in how to tackle this problem. But as we’re still unpacking and getting used to our new surroundings, including the new posse of cats we’ve met in the past few days, I can’t possibly integrate any of the needed changes and retraining until every thing ELSE is settled – grrr.  

Poor Billy G and poor egyptian bed sheets! This stinks – literally. The hubz and I will have to be careful that the added stress won’t build tension. We’re pretty good at being aware of outside influences when arguments start popping up for no good reason. Why are we arguing about nothing again? That questions always seems to be a good indication that we just need to take a break and sit outside with a good cup of tea together. I only hope that Billy G settles in as well as we have… At least Chuck Norris has – he’s even introduced himself to his new feline neighbours without any hissy fits.  

These close quarters are truly challenging – our sanity is quite sensitive right now. Nothing that some wine after work,  ice-cream for dinner and a few extra date nights won’t fix I think… I’m so grateful that we have a two-week window between leases to take our time relocating! This whole experience makes me want to write a “How-To Move Without Losing Your Minds and Your Cat’s Bladder” article – what do you do while moving to keep your sanity?  

Well – back to more cleaning at the old place, unpacking at the new, and surviving another stinky mess…  


the Mrs.  


Small Confession

12 Aug

Courtesy of

So there’s been a small problem – hence my confession.

I told the Mr. I felt I was cheating on everything lately — but with him. I’ve been so distracted by him lately! I just want to *hang* with him and leave the dishes another night. Leave everything… not write.

I’m conflicted but not really. We can live without MOA for a little while right?

He’s going back to work — sigh.

We’re moving — smile.

the Mrs.

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