I’m stuck on a reoccurring theme and hope to hash it out…
For those who don’t know me, I appear as a reserved, pragmatic, and busy woman.
For those who know of me, I reflect a career-oriented, driven, and self-sufficient wife.
For those who know me well; namely my husband, siblings and closest friends, I reveal my domestic disposition, creative penchant and generous heart.
These characteristics are all true to whom I am, yet are demonstrated diversely to various social degrees. I am fashionably conservative; reasonably level-headed, and always have some type of project on the go. I am thankfully respected and valued within my current employment; able to accomplish whatever I put my mind to; and practiced with building, repairs, and designing my own keep. But mostly, I am a die-hard wife, sister and friend; avid hobbyist and filled with a desire to bless those around me.
All in all, I am each a woman, professional and wife. I have chosen each of these careers, and the balancing act ensues my daily life.
Growing up in a family of six has given me invaluable experience forming the woman I am today. My sisters defined my feminine wiles, my mother instilled my passion, my father and brother strengthened my resolve. I can honestly say I was blessed to be given such an abundant family and I fully attribute my success to their life-long influences. Challenges have never deterred me as my strong foundational family encourages all of my endeavors. I married at 21 years of age, moved across the country to start out a new life and now work in a fast-paced and growing industry.
I feel as if I’ve made my family, parents and husband proud – only, now I reflect on the impact my decisions have truly made…
I have practiced moderately; chosen a career over children; and live for our marriage.
In the past year (this being our fourth in marriage), my sense of direction has begun to meander. My career is accomplished and will only continue to evolve, our financial position is healthy and strong, and now the state of our marriage has re-emerged to the forefront in our lives. I wear my marriage every day if that makes any sense. Every book, magazine, blog, and article I read somehow reflects marriage – I can’t get enough of it.
My day starts the moment I get home from work now, slipping back into my wifely cloak for my husband. Work raises pale in comparison to a pleasing glance from my husband. Our daily fifteen minutes of reconnect black out the first 9 hours of each day; his whispered words lift the heaviest burden off my shoulders.
My thoughts continually drift back to the time when women guarded the homestead – when wives trusted their husbands to lead their families spiritually, financially and socially. The image of a submissive wife dominates my thoughts at present.
It’s almost funny as these desires in no way currently reflect our marriage. Outsiders commonly label me as the “breadwinner” or even as “wearing the pants” in our marriage. Yes, I go to work everyday, do general house repairs, and manage the finances. Yes, my husband is home everyday, loves to cook, and is the poet and dreamer. We are comfortable with these roles, sharing them to benefit our current state of marriage. But I feel a shift coming…
I remember as a young girl promising never to be the cook, soccer mom, or trophy on my husband’s arm. Women had evolved – liberated through the era of feminism – and were capable of anything. If I didn’t need my husband for anything, I would be happier with accepting him for who he was , eliminating disappointment, and unworthy expectations right?
I was strong, capable and beautiful for my independence. Or so I thought…
~ To Be Continued ~