I’m going to do what most wouldn’t.
My husband and I are fighting again – and it’s the same issue as the last dozen fights. I’m mad, angry, heart-broken, and well on my way to being depressed. There – I said it. I’m even going to go further and I say I am not in-love with my husband right now. We are at currently at opposite ends of the spectrum, our best communication skills are currently insufficient and I pray daily we find each other again.
I’m not writing this to complain, vent or even find sympathy. I’m writing this because this is sometimes a very real part of marriage. And this is what my blog is intended to explore – both the challenges and the rewards of the biggest commitment in our lives.
This is against one of my core rules to reveal that we are struggling right now. I inwardly cringe when someone compliments my marriage as a perfect example of strength and stability. Not that it isn’t strong and stable most of the time, but most just don’t see the struggles we plunder through on a regular basis…
Some couples are very open with friends and families about their marital status. While I prefer to keep these struggles private, I’m hoping to view this objectively and admit to everyone that yes, I too have marital problems.
Now hold your breath…
This is LOVE.
My love for my husband will always prevail over every blocked path we encounter. It is through this love I can continue being his wife when I don’t feel like being around him, I can endure long arguments and sleepness nights when I have to go to work in the early morning, I can genuinely accept support from friends and family when I hate doing so in the first place, and I can know that in the end we will be okay even when I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We made our vows, and we will live them.
This in no way purports our marriage as failing, or even suggests an “irreconcilable difference” between us. EVERY married couple will fight/argue/disagree over something very significant and even revisit this same issue throughout their relationship – after all, we have a whole lifetime to discover and tackle our differences.
But I will always have hope. I know who my husband really is, I know how much my husband really loves me, and I know that together we are better than if we lived our lives individually – this is why we chose each other.
I would like to share one of my favourite quotes from Alfred Adler:
We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a “getaway.” We cannot love and be limited.
We as humans tend to find our opposites for companions. More often than not, these differences balance us – while sometimes they divide us. We are currently in a state of division and as such, we will be seeking professional council. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t know this yet. ;) But in the end… I’m sure he’ll agree.